Pizza Pie done Sanitarium Style

It may come as a shock to my valued readers, but we are an opinionated lot here at The Happy Sanitarium. And, one thing that we're pretty opinionated about is pizza. To be clear, we'll never refuse pizza prepared on anyone else's turf, and we'll most likely enjoy it. But--these are the rules for pizza pie when assembled in our Sanitarium.

Rule #1. We're New York Style Pizza people. Thin crust, but thick/crispy enough that you can hold it straight after a few minutes off the pan.

Rule #2: No funny toppings please. If I want alfredo, I'll make alfredo. If I want barbeque, I'll make barbeque. If I want Thai food, I'll make Thai food. These are not pizza toppings. It's not that they don't taste good in pizza form, it's just that that isn't what goes on pizza when we want pizza.

Rule#3: NO FORKS. There's something the matter with pizza that has to be eaten with a fork. That ain't any kind of right.

Rule#4: The bread/sauce/topping ratio has to be carefully in balance. If it's off, you end up with a pizza that breaks under the weight of the topping, or the topping slides off the pizza, or GOD FORBID, you have too much crust, or not enough.

I have spent 11 years assembling homemade pizzas here in this Sanitarium, and I shudder when I think of my first pizza creations. Bread too thick and pliable, sauce to thick, wrong cheeses, you name it, I have done it wrong. I have spent a lot of time perfecting my pizza over the years, and now I announce with pleasure that homemade pizza is met with a cheer that is equal to the announcement that we're going out to pizza. That makes a momma feel good.

To be clear, the pizza we're talking here is American home kitchen pizza, not gourmet fresh ingredients Naples, Italy Pizza. You can bet someday I'll be eating that pizza.

Usually I get a 5 pound bag of mozzerella and divide it into 6 bags quart size ziplocs and put it in the freezer. This is the perfect amount of mozzerella for a 15 inch pie.

I usually get my pepperoni from the butcher--he slices it thin for me, but when I shot this post, all I had was Kroger brand pepperoni. In theory, the pepperoni should be fatty enough that it pulls apart even when it's frozen. One pound of pepperoni usually does 4 pizzas. If you have big pepperoni pieces you have to cut them down to a bite size, otherwise they will slap your chin when you take a bite, and drag the whole pepperoni off the piece. That is annoying.

One of the handiest tricks I've figured out for making pizza is that if you take the mozzerella and pepperoni out of the freezer and just set it next to the stove FIRST thing, it will be just melted enough to break down into grated form again when it's time to dress the pizza. So, the first thing I do is pull the mozzerella and the pepperoni out of the freezer, and set it by the stove.
Then, I make the:

Pizza Crust
1 TBSP Yeast
2 TBSP Olive Oil
1 tsp sugar
1 tsp kosher salt (I usually just do a big pinch)
1 cup tap warmed water
2 1/4-1/2 cups AP flour

Mix all together, knead until elastic. I usually knead it in my bowl, because I hate scraping flour and dough off my counter. This dough doesn't need to raise. In theory I should be organized to be able to make pizza dough earlier in the day so in can raise, and set and whatever. Reality, however, is a whole different matter. I've never managed that, so this is the pizza dough recipe for me.
This part is very important, and not to be skipped. Let set 10 minutes or so after you knead it--usually that's how long it takes an oven to preheat, so that's a handy coincidence. Otherwise it won't be relaxed enough to stretch over your pizza board, and you'll be irritated.


Meanwhile, put your oven rack on the very bottom shelf. The very bottom, right next to the bottom burner. This step is very important.



(Ya like how I cleaned my oven for this blog post? Actually, I did clean it. Then I baked something before I shot the pics, and it made a mess. That happened three times, and finally this time I decided to shoot the pictures anyway, because I needed food posts, and I've been trying to do this post since April. So, no clean oven pictures for you!)

While your dough is resting, preheat your oven to 455 degrees.

Fact: I am not superstitious. But, the first time I made pizza that I was thrilled with I had set my oven temp at 455 degrees instead of 450 by accident. From then on out I have set it at 455 degrees. Again, I am not superstitious. I am a creature of reliable habit. Or something. But, it probably wouldn't work if I set it at 450 degrees. No sense risking bad pizza over a 5 degree difference, regardless of its basis in paranoia. Just sayin'.

Another fact: I also scrubbed the screen of my oven for you. It looks like it's covered in grease because the stupid film oven's come covered in when they're new left a residue, and I can't get it off, regardless of trying for 3.5 years. I swear my house is clean. Ish.

So, once your dough is rested, oil your stone and spread the dough out on it.

like so...

Bake your pizza crust for 10 minutes. (WARNING: I use a Pizza Stone. If you have a pizza pan that is made from a different material, you might want to keep a close eye on it to make sure 10 minutes is not too long!) While it's baking get your sauce ready. I buy canned plain tomato sauce--a 15 oz. can does 2 pizzas with the perfect amount of sauce. So, I mix in garlic, italian seasoning, salt and pepper to taste, and then freeze half of the sauce, and heat up the other half for this pizza.

Yum.

After your crust has been in the oven for 10 minutes, pull it out and put your toppings on it. This is the perfect amount of sauce. There should never be so much sauce on a pizza that the topping is sliding off and slapping your chin every time you take a bite. Chin slapping pizza is irritating.

For this pizza I did pepperoni for the kids, and pepperoni, bacon, red peppers and mushrooms for us. See how my cheese was just unfrozen enough to spread over the pizza here? Yes, setting it by the oven at the beginning of the process works great. You might have to whack it on the counter a few times, but it works very well.

Put your pie back in the oven on the bottom rack again for 8-10 minutes, depending on how golden you want it.

This is literally within a minute of pulling it out of the oven. So, it will only get stiffer after a bit more time out of the oven. We never have to use forks with this recipe.

We're at the point now where we don't get any leftovers for cold pizza breakfast the next day. Sad. However, by next year I'm betting that we'll need two pizzas for dinner, but we'll have a lot of breakfast pizza left over. That will be wonderful.

This pizza recipe is just as fast as ordering pizza to your door, and I daresay it is better. Also, by the time you figure dealing with the pizza box and all that stuff, there aren't that many dishes for homemade pizza, so I think all-in-all its a worthy (and cheaper!) alternative.

PS--one of our favorite stay-up--late snacks is this pizza crust recipe spread on the stone and then sprinkled with granulated garlic, italian seasoning, a few handfuls of mozzerella and a few handfuls of parmesan. Then bake for 15 minutes at 455 degrees on the bottom rack, or until crispy and golden on top, and when you pull it out slice it into sticks, and dip into ranch dressing or pizza sauce. People who have to go to work at 4 am the next morning have gotten out of bed for this snack. It's that good.

What are your family's pizza rules?! I'd love to know. I hope we're not the only ones who are crazy-opinionated about pizza!