'Scuze my Jeff Foxworthy moment here...

You might be a mom if...

1. Your idea of living dangerously is putting dry-clean-only items in the washing machine.


2. You consider yourself to have had a hot date when you and your spouse sneak away for a few minutes to check out some free buffalo grass sod on craigslist while visiting family watches the kids.


3. A silent house means very bad things are about to be discovered, and...


4. You actually debate whether you should go check out the reason for the silence, or just enjoy it, pretending all the while that there will be no messy consequences for your moments of blessed peace and oblivion.


5. You consider yourself to be caught up on laundry if: 1. The hampers are not actually overflowing, and 2. The stuff you haven't folded yet fits on top of the washer and dryer.


6. Telling someone to use their head while carrying their cereal bowl around results in outrageous giggles, with the response of "how am I supposed to do that???!!!"


7. You habitually plunge your hand through the mucky-muck down into the garbage disposal, every time before you turn it on, just in case. The mucky-muck does not even phase you. You actually say, "What's the matter with you!?" When someone gags as they watch you check for silverware in the disposal mucky-muck.

8. Your champagne bucket has been used as a throw-up bucket so many times, the thought of chilling champagne in it makes you feel like throwing up.


9. You are completely amazingly horrified at mothers in the animal kingdom who eat their young. However, while the horror part never lessens at all, some days you kind of, sort of, maybe just a tiny bit, in an abstract sort of way, feel an understanding for them.


10. And finally, when you find yourself holding your breath while your oldest swims across the swimming pool, and releasing only when she comes up for air, you realize your transformation into crazy screaming sports mom is near completion.

Here is Kiki, swimming across the pool, as promised to a few family members. She is the pink rash guard, in the lead... Not bad for a four (ok, almost 5) year old, huh?!